i have finally conquered the waste of that 8 - 12 hours lying down and not getting any.

i dun feel the need for sleep anymore. But however, i get hungry darn easily.

Yippee! Now what to do with that extra time, eh?

Dua Pai Lang

Dua Pai Lang

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Dua Pai Lang

Dua Pai Lang

in a way, i pride myself to be able to diss away my feelings nonchalantly. i only have my repression anger to manifest itself into a lucid dream…

the dream began as i accompany my twins-laden sister to a toilet. The shop (Macs?!?) was closing down for the night and the workers are pitting their tailsman and ‘ rainbow  threads’ (something Taoists wear for safety) around the place.

i asked, ‘wheres the toilet?’ to a busy worker.

She told us its down the hallway, beside the lift and its haunted, best to carry some yellow string for safety (promptly gives us string).

I followed my sister to the toilet and waited outside.

A girl manifests and jumps down the building (now settings becomes a HDB).

The lift opens and i found my cousins? friends? enchanted blind, unable to snapped out of their falsefied reality.

I took their hands and walked through their barriers and brought them outside my cousin’s place. My aunt was inside too, carrying a baby. My cousin asked if anyone would like to come in, and afew cousins? went in.

As i walked along the corridor, i found myself outside my grandma’s home at the end of the corridor.

I went in, and found my friends wanting to go out and party.

They asked if i would like to go, i said no. I was wearing a white shirt with a pair of boxers. In no state to go, in a pair of boxers.
I told them i could not go like that, and volunteered to look after the place.

i look around the place, amazed by the rendering of the real world. It is the same as my granny’s place.

i went into a room, and found her sleeping on a bed (presumably to be my room where i spent my childhood in), my ex-gf that cheated on me.

she woke up, with only her head exposed under the blankets, and asked me what do i want.

i said nothing, and open my wardrobe, wanting to get something better than the boxers i am wearing.

i found her clothes in the wardrobe, and became aware that shes sleeping in her undergarments.

i confronted her and she came out of the blankets.

silencing the embrassment, i asked her if shes wearing a women’s boxers. which she deny.

i asked to look, she objected.

i retaliate and told her that i’ve seen her body lots of time, whats the diff this time?

she takes off one side and showed me.

satisfied, i went back to my wardrobe. In that instance, i had so much things to confront her, to yell at her, to justify my relentless anger welled up. A man walked in and took a seat beside me. She quickly got dressed before he sat down.

The dream continues with excerptions to 2 plausible police work. One for murder and one for hunting down a criminal. None which i am involved as a suspect but i did question myself.

The rest of the dream that i deciphered is that,

1. i tried to cause the death of the third party and those who chose to stand in their side (Revenge)

2. i hated those who misplaced the trust i had put on them. (choosing to hate those who was on her side)

3.  i tried to retrieve some pieces of the history between the both of us - for remembrance and to plant them at places where the third party will see and confront her.

replaying the fast decaying dream, it reminds me so much of the relationship with her, begining to end.

but all she left me now is a shelled anger and revengeful soul.

i know i am fully capable of staging elaborate ways to appease that anger - staging faux goodwilled actions and getting revenge, basically making life for her misearable as long as i like.

And draw the last stance, to break her soul.

I am aware of all these suggestions. I am the devil’s advocate, only to stage all these in the secret garden of my mind, meticulously perfecting it to an art.

A forbidden art.

As i sit here typing, i know that as long as i live, i will only put on a false front of forgiving her. Deep inside, she’s tormented by my hatred, burning in my vengeful hellfires.

When can i truly let go, through revenge or through soul?

Dua Pai Lang

Dua Pai Lang

Dua Pai Lang

Dua Pai Lang

Dua Pai Lang