sometimes, i feel bad.

ever since i’ve known you, my dear you have and always been there for me, playing a supportive role, edging me on. In short, you’ve been saccharine sweet. i wish i could do more than what i’m doing now (which is basically zilch), you know, the usual goofball boyfriend mambo.

i often wondered, how could something that is so concrete inside - feelings and emotions evoked, couldnt transpire to my pokerface and show it for all the world to see. Or i’m afraid of the magic lost should anyone peer into this wonderland of ours?

you never know how much, i love you~
so please dont take my sunshine away~

always, i laugh at myself to be telling friends how much i’m in love with you, but when i see you my tongue stumbled and hit itself senseless against my teeth.

yea, you still have that effect on me after so long.

and for so many faults inhibited in me, you only chose to see the better of me. it scares me much to ever let you peek into my own darkness but you still probe and dig to know what kind of man i am than the one you see. and i struggle not to scare you away.

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Seven years, darling. we’ve been friends for most of it and only lovers in so little.

for the part, you let me fall back into your arms and sweet smile without weariness. i’m really, really grateful for that. you had given me not only a different perspective of Life but also a little hope of things to come.

now i’ve grown and matured, loved and been hurt, i’m much stronger now. Let me, for the many years to come, be your home and shelter too. Though i couldnt offer more with this rundown soul, the very least is a warm heart for your cold nights and arms to bring you home.

Cause it’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it’s you and me and all of the people
And I don’t know why, I can’t keep my eyes off of you

Dua Pai Lang

well, everything seems fine.

in contrast to the previous company where everything is structured and rigid, my current company offers a large degree of freedom in whatever things we do which, is the other extremity.

changing from a fast-paced, corporate dog-eat-dog mindset, to a slower pace where they encourage self-discovery and mutual academia is a bit taunting. Kind of feels restless in office at most times actually. but i guess i’ll settle in just fine in a week or more.

i got new things to learn, unlearn and re-learn which is not too bad. Open Source, here i come1!!

theres room to improve on, both on myself and the procedural structure there. probably i’ll start observing more and make it my pet project to improve efficiency around. oh, i got 500gig(but uncapped, wheee!) of server space issued to me there for anything. i wonder i should make a personal work-related website or what. or maybe get MySQL in there and write something primitive for a ticket system. ahhh, another pet project.

colleagues are pretty well and fun. though abit amused by their technical talk, but i guess i’m jolly on my way to geekhood. and perhaps, one day i’ll talk in C code. hope mistress still understands me, else we’ll be communicating in grunts and loud movements of limbs and facial expressions.

yes, its a boring post. lalalaaa  i could feel my doodle-itch trying to crawl its way out of these all bore.

Dua Pai Lang

well, on Monday - my first day at work where i sold my soul to, two different banks, one local and one foreign, called me up for an interview.

and i rejected them over the phone.

friends and family called me dumb - i could had just take a leave and try the interview, since i had to work 6 months here and hopefully, get confirmation. no harm trying, right? could had been more prospects, more money, more glam with a title like ’something-Analyst’ or ‘Asst who-calls-the-2nd-shots’.

i told mistress about it, and she mirrored my thoughts perfectly.

she said, i wouldnt leave this company now since i’ve committed to them, when i made the decision, even there are better offers out there. why would i get the money-making job, only to be stressed and burnt out, and quit in a year, eh?

its so amazing she understands me so well that, words become superfluous. (or perhaps she feels it’s analogous to point 1 here)

my god im so in love with her i want to make babies with her RIGHT NOW.

Dua Pai Lang

come every weekend, my 2nd sis will bring my twin nieces over, drop them in my room and go for their date night with my bro-in-law (or together with me, a short fishing night at some ulu place.)

well, im not particularly hostile towards these little hellspawns. if they are not bawling, crying, screaming, running, shouting, they are quite nice. Actually, they are very nice when they just lay there - asleep. and cooing them to sleep is no simple task, a herculean effort and a murderous amount of patience is needed before you put them to sleep, like literally. and thanks to me, i shall reveal my little trick of cooing them to sleep in 15 minutes or less (no scientific back-up!!).

Why would you need to learn this:

1. You will have your own loins one day.
2. You will impress your woman one day.
3. You must learn it if you’re female and of childbearing age.
4. Get that baby back to sleep, and you back to making another!
5. You really need to concentrate on that late EPL match.

Call it survival. If you want to survive a night with minimum interference from the scream/poop/cry-box, learn this you must!!1

1. Learn to carry the baby
First up, carrying the baby. Pick up the screaming kid, strong arm support the neck and left hand sliding between their legs (mind the poop) and up their spine. Using your weak arm as support, slide your stronger arm down to have your forearm supporting the baby’s head and your strong hand around their rear end (again, mind the poop).

2. Rock the baby
Make sure area is quiet and cool to begin with. Rhythm is of importance here. As a baby spent first 9 months of their life in the womb listening to their mother’s heartbeat. The most comforting sound to them will be a harmonic rhythm of around 60 - 70 beats per minute. Cuddle them close, and with both your feet planted on the floor, start swinging gently left to right and back.

3. Pat the baby
At the same time, start a patting on their butts close to their heartbeat rate of 120 and in a low, soft voice - hymn with each pat. You should be able to dramatically slow down to around 90 - 100 beats a minute within the first 5 minutes. Problem here is, you need to start all over again each time they fidget. This is to, i believe, slowly ‘hypnotise’ their beat rate to of their resting pulse.

4. Coo the baby
Next, the baby should be very still in your cuddle and looking at your face or the surroundings. Try not to look at them, but continue doing rocking them and pointer 3. In the next 5 mins, they should be falling asleep soon while you maintain a slow, steady beat and hymn of 60 beats or less/min.

5. Put them into the cot
Now, how do you know they have actually fallen into deep sleep? One is when their breathing has become somewhat steady and in pace with your patting. Also, their limbs would be, limp. Continue for a few minutes more and slowly walk to their cot. Reverse point 1, gently put them back. Check, and wait. Now get back to bed to recieve your “thanks for being a great hubby!” reward ;).

and these are the twins; adorable nieces that keeps the uncle sleepless every weekend.

Maybe-Next: The Terrible Twos and Threes of the Nephews.

Dua Pai Lang

an article in National Geographic Magazine perked my interest recently.

some people have been wow-ed to amazement by my ability to remember details and events (nonsensical or not) to a certain degree. which in my case, i don’t really feel its a feat. i mean, don’t you guys remember??

mistress was flabbergasted when i told her i recalled the first time i called her and some random events that occurred in between us years ago, to much of my amusement. i dont really have a system of remembering facts and the whatsnot, its a kind of knack actually which i repeatably fail to comprehend.

by large, in cognitive psychology, this shouldnt be happening given my tipsy-turvy lifestyle (depending on which school are you in). although a blessing to most, i find it quite troublesome trying to forget certain events that i would want to. bad experiences, bad episodes, bad everything. these flashbulb memories etched deeply into my mind forever - the scene of my father suffering an heart attack right in front of me and subsequently die from it, a bad car accident at age 9 in my mom’s car, vivid images of relatives trampled by and struggling with illnesses, encounters with ‘entities’ - the minute details readily jump out at a calling.

but some are good, like the first kiss that graced my lips, the strange sensation of dancing in the rain, the simple kind gesture of a random stranger or the radical peace of feeling the wind blow through your hair and the trees dancing in it.

feelings, thoughts, events that i hold dear and recall with a smile.

but of course, i too, tend to get forgetful on some stuff - like what i have had studied, much to my dismay.

one thing that i dislike is that on most nights(or dawn), while i lay on my bed to try and sleep. my mind seems to replay events and SOUNDS of what i had gone through in the day and/or the last few days. Have you have the experience of ‘hearing’ random conversations and sounds replaying in your mind? it’s really noisy. sometimes, it does get ‘a tad loud’ and loud enough to snap me awake when i was already dozing to lala-land. thats the reason i tend to listen to my music while traveling in crowds, in case i ‘picked up’ too much noise to lullaby with at night.

or how about not being able to think clearly, because you are thinking too fast? that happens to me sometimes, when my thoughts’ images linked up too fast for me to comprehend. i’ll need to rewind and rethink about it. i wonder if any of you experiences the above two symptoms?

without memories, are we who we are?
with memories, are we as we are?

or do you want to erase some memories, with the device depicted in the movie, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind?

Dua Pai Lang

as you may know, i am a geek. and my path onto geekhood was never easy.

and getting more bang from my bucks when purchasing gadgets was the central mantra as always. which in this case, i had been looking for a new phone for eons already, i decided to check out the new Motorola Q9H which was featured as a Nuffnang Ad on my sidebar last week.

now a little background info on the little wabbit called Tuzki. it was created by a lady from Beijing called Wang Momo, where it became an instant hit with QQ (china’s answer to MSN) and various online messengers apps for its many cute emoticons (more info here, from startdrawing.org - another of my fave website).

in recent times, convergence is a big business. no longer a phone is just used for calling and messaging; consumers just want more and more features to be incorporated into a device that it personally theirs - the mobile phone. and obviously, Motorola have scored a hit when they used Tuzki as their ambassador for the Q9.

first up, The beauty factor:

When Motorola launched their Razr V3, it was an instant hit. Why? It is sleek, design is sleek, even the buttons are sleek and all these in a very comfy slim clamshell design. And this is what Motorola did with the Q9 and even more, for one obvious fact is the QWERTY keyboard. Having used Blackberries and other ‘prosumer’ mobile phones, i find QWERTY keyboards to be very efficient when replying lengthy emails and surfing the Net and in the Q9, they magically put in the keyboard while maintaining its slimness. i’m impressed.

next, The features:

with the new and stable Windows Mobile 6 OS installed, you’ll be knowing that your new Q9 will be hanging alot less or even none compared to your last PDA phone. also with Word-to-Go, PDF-to-Go, Sheet-to-go, Zip-to-Go, and Slideshow-to-Go, it basically covers ‘prosumers’ like us who work-at-the-go.

with the ultra-secure, ultra-stable Opera browser installed, Motorola had done their homework on this one. to top off everything with a cherry, they had Windows Live Messenger and the ease of one-step email setup in Q9 for all aspects of staying connected to all your peers and colleagues.

One thing i wondered is why did they not have Wifi in it? Answer: because it is a 3.5G (or HSDPA) phone. at speeds at least 40x of the current 3G network, and the dropping prices of data plans. why not?

lastly, The Crux (for me, at least)

as a music junkie, music plays a big part of my life. i travel, work, play, sleep with music always there and having no mp3 player of my own, i depend on my mobile phone to provide all the auditory pleasures that i need. and God bless the Q9 with stereo speakers, compatibility with Bluetooth stereo headsets, a hefty upgradeable memory to up 2Gigs - all in all, to be able to sort and transfer songs and playlists using Windows Media Player 11 over an USB 2.0 transfer.

Verdict

with a power-packed, features full PDA phone, Motorola had just thinned the line between consumers and ‘prosumers’ even more! but we cant blame them, anyone would want a phone with Tuzki on it!

Dua Pai Lang

_{^{*post is in response for Nuffnang’s Motorola Contest (yes, i need a new phone and i WANT the Q9!!)*}}

i broke almost everything there is in the interview guide book.

it was outrageous, this can almost be it

no wonder everybody’s so in shock when i got the job when i describe the interview process to them.

Dua Pai Lang

this is a geek post. so its gonna either help you or none at all.

Do you fancy having 4 desktops on your Windows machine?
and in a veerrrry cool way too.

For users that have experiences with Linux, there’s a pretty nifty app in it that allows you to display up to 4 virtual desktops. It’s pretty much a good app for you to open up different apps on different desktop canvas lest they clutter up with the usual one.

In Windows, they had developed a “Power Toy” tool called Virtual Desktop Manager which allows you to display 4 desktops on one machine.

1. Download from the link above and install.
2. After which, activate via taskbar.

3. You should get the bar on your taskbar.

4. press the first green button to get your 4 screens.

- also you could assign different desktop images to different screens.

Now, you got the 4 screens.

Let me introduce you another app thats even cooler. Its call YODM 3D (Yet anOther Desktop Manager 3D) with a cool 3D effect that also, lets you displays up to 4 virtual desktops!

Just read the instructions from the nifty site, download the free app and unzip.

So now, a maths question: Whats 4×4?

You got it, a swweeet 16! But it doesnt really work that well if you used both apps together as i’ve tried.
Do let me know if you can get 16 desktops by opening a different app on each canvas!

Dua Pai Lang

as would my mom would tell you; i’m never much of an achiever.

grades were so-so at best, laid back and always sleeping and eating. basically a bummer. she would always tell me, “boy ah, you’re actually very smart and clever one leh. but all along, all your teachers from kindergarten to sec school will say you always shortcut this, shortcut there. why you so lazy?”

yeap, thats me.

i chose to write down answers than to show workings to derive my answer.
i decided to skip lessons and relac one corner.
i chose to sleep in class than listen attentively.
i decidedly to not do my homework at all.

ah, the willful winds of youth that gust past.

as young as i could remember, i make decisions and choices by myself. uninformed ones that sometimes led me to no good and the rare some that managed to turn out good in the end. and being such a thick-headed stubborn person that i am, i usually stick to them even the obvious loss is there.

probably the best decision i’ve made so far is starting my degree course during my NS stint. at that time, at my age its probably the wisest decision. Just fresh out of poly (stayed an extra semester, for the most obvious reasons), i couldnt bear to waste that 2 and a half years doing nothing constructive and not learning anything (see the change here? i’ve matured yo!). So right after my posting out, i signed for a degree and this time, it was an informed decision. armed with some knowledge and the oncoming changes in that institute, i struggled for 3 years.

In the meantime, i was looking for jobs. all kinds of jobs to try my hand in it. my heart was wild, my aspirations high. i just want to taste everything. you could say that im just unsure of what to do with my future. yea, you’re right. i just want to try everything and find my niche. i found a great job at an US MNC, whose founder is a mayor in US of A. Culture there was great, people were friendly but still i quit for some reasons.

you could also say that, im with a blessed life with luck. landing high-profile jobs one after another that people would bootlick and smooze their way into. but it’s a real humbling experience for me to be shoved there and then to perform, and actually do so.

now, i’m being offered a job in the government sector which i probably take it. the package drawn up is actually quite favorable. and the great thing is, there’s lots of challenges and research, not a moment stagnant. downside is, it’s gonna be another humbling experience as a ‘one-man show’. though i have my doubts in this job, but i guess i’ve pretty much decided that it’s gonna be fun.

im really fortunate, really. my grades in uni was shitty and deplorable (as well!), and i am offered this job even before i had officially graduated, and at this time of the year too! i looked back and see peers that had started or just started their further studies after their NS and im glad i made the right choice.

with a fun job with its hand thats spearheading the world, a wonderful woman that i’ll spend my life falling in love with everyday, and a family that had tolerated a bummer and encouraged him in his whatever pursuits.

i just want to give thanks.

Dua Pai Lang

ps: happy birthday to lian, the hello kitteh! raawwwk on!!!
addeddum: going to sign contract at 1430hrs and start work on monday!!

the tattlers - or in any other terms; the rumourmonger, the gossiper, the talebearer or yenta. Or simply, someone who tells falsified information or unjust indications of you.

with the internet as a means of resource and information, can turn its ugly head towards you and hold you for anything, everything. anyone with ample time and enough interest could dig up any dirt on you. why do people do such stuff? a grudge? jealousy? or just plain boredom?

usually, they portray themselves as victims of unjust treatment, poor souls that ponder why life treats them as such or simply just a weaker person. It’s sad, isnt it?

dealing with such people needs tact and methods. but just by ignoring them and their words would be suffice. they build upon their confidence by knowing that you care, about your reputation, about your image and status. they build lies upon lies to weigh you down and in the same time, become utterly convicted to the very lies they spout. it spawns to give them the very confidence they needed in the first place to face life in low esteem.

don’t you feel sorry for them? to live a life lost and fed within lies, and building more lies to cover up the previous lies?

well, dont be.

stand tall and vindicated. those who chose to believe such words, probably dont know you well enough to make an informed idea of who you are as a person. once the steam loses, the tattlers’ lies fall flatly like a poorly made stack of pyramid cards. and by then, people who once believe in their ’soothsayings’ will find irk and displeasure in that person.

in this endless cycle, they just keep on doing so until they, if ever, wake up from their little nightmares they created themselves.

i know what i am is who am i. do you know what you are?

if you find yourself as a tattler yourself, i suggest you quit while you’re ahead. find the courage to face the person as yourself, and resolve any issues with him/her with an open heart and mind.

there’s more to life than hiding in lies.

Dua Pai Lang